CARROT CAKE REVIEW 28 - And So, To The Carrot Cave, Baby!

 Two Magpies Bakery, 88. High Street, Southwold, Suffolk

The Two Magpies is a petite fronted cafe on the main street of Southwold. They are currently on something of pincer movement across the lowly mounds of Norfolk, with new sites recently opened, or due to open, in Norwich, Blackney and Holt. Stumbling across them on a jolly to a favourite seaside town in Suffolk, was an opportunity to get a sneak preview. Like casually encountering a caravan park arranged on a Stalinist Gulag theme, its not to be overlooked.

The Southwold establishment is this aspirational chains source cafe. It is very tiny with only a few tables at the back and to one side of the serving counter. So the emphasis is primarily on takeaway. The first thing to notice is the terrific range of confectionery. I was absolutely wetting myself with glee at the choice. But I was thinking of my duty and devotion to you, dear readers, when I settled on a slice of carrot cake with my standard Flat White chaser.

So, lets get the Flat White over with. The one thing to say in its favour was that it came in the right sized cup. But a Flat White, well, it is so much more than a ceramic cup isn't it?. Its like congratulating me for turning up in clean trousers, with a body slotted inside them that's not seen soap for weeks. Well done, for getting the cup size right chaps. The coffee contained inside was... not good. The base coffee was far too harsh, with not sufficient depth or roundness in its roast. Hubbies Iced Latte was similarly coarse in flavour, so it couldn't be put down to the ubiquitous badly trained Barista. As far as their coffee goes, I wouldn't rate them very high on the Richter scale, or any scale for that matter. Creamy it was not.

But let's be fair, most businesses have their short comings, drastic or not. Most have a couple of unique selling points. The Two Magpies win purely on the range and the superlative quality of the confectionery they produce. My first thought about the Carrot Cake was, that this was a f.....g massive piece! Three layers of carrot cake separated by the slimmest rendering layers of frostings. They obviously pay great homage to the same gods as me, as that frosting was the semi-divine cream cheese of legend.

As regular readers will know, a good cream cheese frosting these days is on the 'at danger list' for slipping into extinction. So it is Glory Hallelujah when I find one. I then cross my legs hoping it turns out to be a good one. And this frosting? Well it was very delicately sweetened, and had not been drenched in an unhealthy amount of vanilla essence either. It had a natural light texture and taste, tickling all the right taste buds mischievously on the tongue. Orgasm boys and girls, Orgasm!

And so to the carrot cave, baby! An excellent colour, a dark tan brown, with just a hint of ginger carrot strands woven through it like a jacquard textile. Once it hit my gob, it turned out to have an expertly balanced mix of moist and heft. Not so wet that it compacted under the gravitational force of its own weight, forming a squidgy foundation layer at the base. I've wasted my hunger on too many under cooked damp courses, thank you. Accompanied by that feeling in the pit of the stomach of a masticated cake settling like concrete pebble dash down there. Ugh! That sort of carrot cake is just not nice.

But no, I digress, this cake was weighty, but with that lovely textural feeling of lightly rolling on the tongue its uneven carrot strand bedecked nature. All done without much suggestion of it being over padded out with raisins, sultanas or walnuts. It was spiced, but in a subtly suggestive way. No danger of this one infringing my Carrot Cake Rule No 1 then. Bet you are all mightily relieved.

Something else, however, not to rate them on, is the cost. Be warned, though the cakes are way above normal in quality, two coffees and cakes turn in at around £16, which is steep! This cafe is then for special treats only. The sort of place you'd take your most life embittered Grandma, to impress her with the size of your love and largesse. If the coffee could be brought up to match the quality of the cakes, it might actually be worth it.

CARROT CAKE SCORE  7/8