CARROT CAKE REVIEW No 31 - Claggy, As in Cement

  Sheringham Norfolk

Cafés in our town are ten a penny, really good ones are a rare species. Most are not bad. Pleasant, but average you might say. Nothing to, scare the horses by producing a well rounded Flat White with great richness and depth. Buying a coffee here generally blurs the boundary between a cappuccino and a latte, whatever the coffee variety actually be being made. This, in my experience, is not unique to this town.

Suddenly, post pandemic, cafes in North Norfolk seem to have woken up to the fact that they are competing for business. Standards of confectionery have noticeably risen. The coffee quality has yet to follow suit. I do like this particular cafe, its very pretty, always has a welcoming feel and good customer service. Their coffee? Well let's just say three things - One, their Latte's are good. Two, their Flat White's come in two sizes Regular and Large. Three, their Latte's are good.

Its a universal truth that any shop has its set of Unique Selling Points, and the things that it regularly falls down on. Here its homely, friendly ambiance and customer service do much of the heavy lifting, to makes it an very attractive place for a return visit. Which we do, when we can. The coffee quality as I've said, is acceptable. The Cakes? Well it depends what you choose. Their quality can vary from great, to nice try, to that's a bit under cooked. But that is also quite a common fault in cafés. One can also unwittingly find oneself eating something made for sensitive stomachs without fully knowing it. Left  wondering what it was that was not quite perfect about that red velvet muffin.

But they did have a Carrot Cake on this occasion, so I showed myself willing to give it a try. I ordered my Large Flat White in the full knowledge that it would only be a strong Latte. For that was my subversive desire. The cake, well it had a good enough golden tan like appearance, a slightly feeble looking buttercream, and a texture of woven strands reminiscent of OSB board. So the visual impression was of a pleasant enough facsimile of a carrot cake. But as with all things, looks can be god almighty fibs.

As I put the cake in my mouth I was a little on edge about how it would be as a taste experience. Initially it was OK, yes, this was OK, wasn't it? As my taste buds got used to the new sensory sensations and began to interpret them, there was an odd transition in its texture. Rather than holding its weight and flavour, once saliva got to work on it, the texture dissolved into a claggy, then almost dry cement like after taste sensation. I recognised this. Oh, you all know what this is, don't you? This is some aberrant variety of gluten free flour unlikely to send anyone's stomach into a full disgruntled bloat. Give me strength my great Jehovah!

You know, I'm becoming tired, yes, really tired of the increasing pervasiveness of these sort of culinary subterfuges. Bakers are noticeable getting better at producing gluten/dairy free cakes that look convincing from the outside. But the taste experience still leaves me half aggravated, half disappointed. Too exhausted now for the full on fulminating rant.  

I like this cafe a lot, but its not because its an all round superlative experience. It can be patchy. But then when is any café ever such a thing? Not very often I would say. I can remember a handful, no, its less than a handful, of truly all round brilliant cafés. My expectations are always for something that is actually a very very rare occurrence. Where ambience, customer service, coffee and cake quality all reach a peak of excellence. And that can be even harder to maintain.

But, please, please please, out of genuine concern for my continued mental health, could I be told when a carrot cake is made with gluten free flour and maybe I'll chose a bloody half macerated flapjack instead. Because I'm just so so so tired of the failed fakery of gluten free carrot cakes that would not upstage a Farley's baby rusk.

CARROT REVIEW - 3/8